This is kind of personal but I am not sure what to do so I’m hoping you can help.
I am redoing my son’s baby book in a mixture of 12×1 and pocketed pages (because of the number of photos I have of him) and I am wondering what to do about my ex husband. We were only married for a short time but he was the only “daddy” my son ever knew. He came into our lives when my son was 10 months old and although he was only around for the first 4-5 on and off, I have lots of pictures of them together that are very sweet. My son is now 21 and he has a lot of hurt and resentment about this man ditching him so young after promising to be his lifelong father no matter what. (not birth father) and that leads to my dilemma. Do I include these pictures in his book since he was part of his life or do I just leave those times out all together?
What say the scrappers? Include him or ditch him?
Thanks!
I think you need to ask your son if he would be terribly upset if you included just a few of the pictures
I agree with Janette. I would pose the question to your son. I would however save the pictures for possible future reference for your son. I am a divorced from my adult children’s father. That is a very personal piece of history. My children are very hurt by their biological father’s behavior after the divorce. He has no contact with his children/grandchildren. It’s all very sad. Best wishes!
Are you giving the book to your son? If so, maybe just put a few if you have others during that time period without the dad. If it’s for you, he was in his life at that point, so I would leave them in.
I agree…I believe you need to include him because although it may not have been under the happiest of circumstances, it nevertheless was part of your son’s life. I believe our life is made up of good and unhappy events but that they work together to make us what and who we are. As such, they need to both be scrapbooked. There may be a time in the future when your son and/or his children would like to remember something about that time too. Perhaps you can include the photos but in their own separate page protectors so that he can opt to take them out separately at some later time if he would rather not look at them at all. Does this make sense?
I think Janette has a good suggestion. Or I would not include them (since your son is so bitterly against him) and put them in a separate pocket or envelope at the back of the scrapbook. Then your son can decide what he wants to do with them.
We had a difficult event in my DD’s life. I documented everything and then put it in a pocket page. You would have to pull out the docs to read them. That way I was able to put it behind me and us but kept the info for the future. Maybe you could do something like that….!????
I think Mandys idea sounds perfect . I personally would do that .
I know exactly how you feel Kat,I had the same problem with my sons 21st albums, their dad left when they were 6 and 3 and only appeared in their lives spasmodically after that so naturally they have a lot of resentment towards him. I asked my sons what they wanted and why my eldest was happy to have a few photos of his dad my youngest only has bad memories so didn’t want any. Ask your son how he feels about it and follow his lead. some times photos and stories of the good times can help calm the resentment a bit.
I would talk to your son and let him know you’re re-doing his album and have pictures of of him with your ex and see how he feels. If he doesn’t want them in the album you might want to just save them and maybe later he’ll change his mind. That way you still have the pictures to look back on and remember happier times when he’s ready. It’s hard for our sons who have gone through the hurt of the man they wanted to or maybe still want to look up to but can’t. They need us mom’s to be there for them and know they’re loved and by you showing him the respect of asking him that speaks volumes. Good luck with your album of memories and enjoy the journey of looking back. That’s why it takes me so long to complete my albums…I love to remember all of the times of our lives.
My grandson father also ditched him and although I didn’t have a lot of pictures of him the ones I did have I put in my grandsons life book because I think he would want them for later. If not he can always throw them away when he is older.